Wednesday, April 13, 2011

We are the Sprocket Holes vol. 187 (on an undercover cop)

Review: Scre4m is the y3ar’s w0rst f1lm



Scre4m is like a thousand amateur Freudians queefing in an echo chamber and then discussing it for the next hour. It is an amazing combination of ambitious, pretentious, narcissistic, and idiotic. It is a remedial-English class slam poem. This is a film in which each character can reference every horror film franchise and plot cliché of the last 60 years, yet seem totally unaware when they’re actually executing one. It is a film shamelessly aspiring to meta post-modernism in which Anthony Anderson plays a sassy black deputy who exclaims “DAMN!” unironically. It is boring, pointless, obnoxious, and terrible. One scene involves, I kid you not, DUELING WEBCAMS.

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HA to the HA.

proof that no matter how bad horror has gotten or will get, NOTHING will ever be as awful as the late 90s Ironic Slasher craze. i'll take torture porn and misguided remakes over this winky glib-for-the-sake-of-being-glib 90210 bullshit any day of the week.

2 comments:

Jesse said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
emanonguy said...

Anthony Anderson has always come off as exactly what TV on the Radio was talking about in "Wrong Way". I admit, I'm in no position to make an educated assessment, but he was one of the first people I thought of when I researched what "magic n****r" meant.

Don't even waste your breath on Scream. Everyone with a smidge of intelligence took a glance and knew it would suck. Just another in a long line of late 90's, early 00's "horror" movies that all had box covers that looked EXACTLY the same. Five or six nearly thirty year olds, photoshopped to look like high school kids, standing in a row.

Just. Like. Scream.

I hate to admit it, but Not Another Teen Movie had it right - "I'm just here to say things like "DAAAAAMN!" and "That's wack!"..."