‘The discovery of the black sarcophagus in Alexandria sparked interest the world over, and amongst friends was immediately picked up as a symbol of hope. People were given an opportunity they’re often denied in recent times – to picture a brighter, more optimistic future in which the earth is blighted, torn apart and consumed piece by piece at the hands of furious immortal Egyptian gods. The potential to unleash this curse upon ourselves by opening the sarcophagus offered a degree of control over our lives which, in the current political and financial climate, we’re so often denied. ‘Many felt let down when the dark and extremely cursed sarcophagus was pried open to reveal only skeletons drenched in raw sewage, which is weird because skeletons are inherently pretty awesome. However, I stand true to the hope we were promised, and deeply believe that by consuming the skeleton juice in the form of a carbonated high caffeine energy drink that we can still have the opportunity to enter an era of unending darkness and despair. I’m so glad to see others backing the petition, and sharing in my mission to rapidly bring about the end of all things.’
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