Bray Wyatt: I’d Do Pretty Much Anything, Especially If No One Has Ever Done It Before
all the workrate zombies and the Cornette Cultists and the death match juggalos and the performatively aggrieved gatekeeping oldheads (as if the deified territory days didn't have guys like Kevin Sullivan, Kamala, Abdullah the Butcher, Ox Baker, Bruiser Brody, etc) can eat my whole ass. Bray Wyatt fucks.
yes; even the cheeseball stuff you swear on your stack of sacred Apter Mags was dumb or goofy.
it's freakin' wrestling, bro; IT IS INHERENTLY DUMB AND GOOFY. THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT AND THAT'S WHY IT FUCKING RULES.
it's a carnivalesque b-movie combat theater of therapeutic absurdity where sentient action figures with intermittent explosive disorder get horny for violence.
y'all are more devoted to complaining about wrestling more than you are to wrestling. you are joyless mis-entitled posers who should leng-tche'd with envelopes and tossed into a giant champagne glass full of lemon juice. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i will die on this hill and i don't fucking care.
i really hate myself for getting sucked into this discourse, because it always inevitably ends with someone snark-screaming at me over the internet for being a wrong / stupid / crazy “art f*g” for liking something they don’t like, but whatever; i’m bored and feeling masochistic i suppose.
i know a lot of y’all wanna die on the hill of “HE’S TERRIBLE IN THE RING”, but i’ll just say that i strongly disagree. if you go back and watch his rise in NXT and his initial run on the main roster and still can tell me with a bilious shouty-head that he doesn’t know how to work, or tell a story, then from my perspective you’re just being impossible. it might not be geared toward your preferred sensibilities, or it might not be wrestling done YOUR WAY, but he knows what he’s doing (even when the creative end of WWE management doesn’t, but i digress).
for me personally (hopefully without getting into “you-have-to-have-a-genius-IQ-to-get-Rick-and-Morty” territory); i’m a nerd for b-horror iconography and archetypes, and in Bray Wyatt’s whole package (presentation, promo work, and vignettes) i pick up a lot of quotes and references and visual ques that i wouldn’t think i’d ever catch on a dopey overproduced underwritten mainstream wrestling program. call backs to prior supernatural / creeper gimmicks (both subtle and blatant), allusions to pessimistic literature, a dash of serial killer writings… Wyatt touches on a lot of my own personal obsessions, fascinations, and fetishes in a way that not only holds my attention, but gets my imagination going… encourages my own voyeuristic outsider creative energy.
i understand my tastes are not relevant to most (especially with regards to a lot of wrestling fans, who perhaps make me feel more alone and depressed than any other fan community) and it’s not what a lot of people like or want out of their glorified action figure carnival where weirdly aggressive meatheads pretend to kill each other over shiny giant belt buckles… but i am getting beyond sick of feeling like i have to defend my eyes from acid attacks every time i try to forge connections with others in these weird little milieus.
yes fine ok: i do wish much of Wyatt’s character work since 2019 translated more into the matches themselves, but it would be naïve to think that a billion dollar corporate enterprise is going to take the fantasy booking of a middle aged low-traffic blogger under consideration, so i’d rather not devote energy to such scenarios. WWE is going to WWE after all.
fuck man; i just like the guy, aight?
as for me having a “Marvelized brain that doesn’t understand how storytelling works”; sh’yeah right ok i only have a Bachelor’s in English and have had something like 8 books published in last four years, but please enlighten me on the nuances of the writing craft, Mr. Wrestling Blog Hot Take Stepper.
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