NP: Thom Yorke - Black Swan
i have a ritual before practice/shows. sort of an anti-ritual, i suppose, since "ritual" is usually equated with some sort of action. what i do is more of a deprivation-exercise.
- Don't eat: if i eat, i get hiccups within the first few vocal lines and sound like a cunt-muscle. i drive myself to vomiting almost all the time (more so at shows since i move around at an increased rate than at practice, where i am for the most part stationary), and a full-stomach just makes it worse.
- Don't cum: i don't have the luxury of a Jake Lamotta "no-sex before fighting" rule, as i am currently (and perpetually) without a sexual partner. but, i do jerk off enough. while i find that jerking off eases some tension, it also can ease too much tension, thus i've got no pent-up energy, which has an adverse effect on both my vocals themselves and my performance (aka running around and falling on the floor).
- Don't relax: i'm a nervy, anxious person, and am always imagining the worst. why be so negative? i'm not a superstitious man, or a theologian, but it seems like when i trick my brain into imagining worst case scenarios, those situations never materialize, and it makes for a good night. it is when i become complacent and at ease that shit hits the fan from the front and the back.
when i adhere to these anti-rituals, it makes for a more feverish, cathartic, and stronger performance on my part. i have the (musically) least challenging responsibility in the band, so i should be at my best.
jesus, sometimes i really think the world of myself. like my bullshit makes any difference. no one talks to me after a performance, no one truly gives a shit. i'm just a clown yelling about who-gives-a-fuck.
gotta piss.
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