Thursday, October 18, 2007

We are the Sprocket Holes vol. 6

more movie ratings;

30 Days of Night - 5/10:


..... no Plot.....

well... it looked like the graphic novel, but as far as my girlfriend and I can tell it wasn't even remotely the same thing as the comic. tons of stuff left out, characters missing, new characters that are useless, and too much changed. was the head vampire in the movie supposed to be Marlowe or V? cause he said things and did things that both those characters did in the comic, but seeing as how he was the only vampire that talked (and in some made up language that ALSO was no where to be found in the book) while the others just snarled and shrieked and stood around looking creepy and gory. that's my number one gripe with the film; the dumbing down of the vampires themselves. in the book they're animalistic, but also surprisingly sophisticated and adept. they communicate with each other. in the film, they're just broadly drawn movie monsters; between vampire and zombie. the movie tried way to hard with the human drama and subplots that weren't in the book, turning into a generic "trapped in a small space" horror/thriller with an interesting concept but little more backing up the concept, save for some cool visuals. a colossal disappointment on almost every level.

Hot Fuzz - 8/10: Edgar Wright is a fucking genius. you can tell this film was made by someone with a deep love and appreciation for the films he lampoons. a little bit long, but a great cast, great (and surprising) gore FX, and mentally hilarious.

Corrupt - 5/10: nonsensical crime thriller starring Harvey Kietel in something of a precursor to his role in Abel Ferrara's neo-grindhouse classic Bad Lieutenant. John Lydon (yes...THAT John Lydon) in in this for some reason. boring, humorless, and pointless stuff.

House on the Edge of the Park - 8.5/10: extremely tense and mean spirited revenge/torture film from Ruggero Deodato (director of the infamous Cannibal Holocaust). obviously intended to invoke Last House on the Left (title of the film, David Hess playing the main antagonist, the theme of ordinary people being pushed to commit horrible acts of violence and is it ok if there is is a "point" to the acts (in this case; retribution), and occasionally improbable in spots...none the less this is one of those films that fucks with you on a cerebral level as well as a visceral level...the great thing about it being that it doesn't appear to be trying to do's just that intense of a film.

Friday the 13th parts 3 (3D!!!!!) and 4 - 6/10 (both): at a certain age you realize how fucking BORING these films are. part 4 is the stronger of the two only because of Crispin Glover in all his nonsensical awkward glory and an ending that is also that. the girls are cute and the gore FX are cool, but damn these movies are dumb. only watch these movies with your friends so you can get some MST3K action going on.

Doom Generation - 4/10: jesus jumping dog shit...who comes up with this stuff? makes Natural Born Killers look subtle and understated. the sardonic vampire beauty of Rose McGowan makes the film somewhat tolerable for a while...until she opens her mouth and has to say these lame-ass valley-girl-from-hell insults. i don't really feel like saying more.

3 Extremes - 9/10: 3 short Asian Horror Films; Fruit Chan's Dumplings, Park Chan Wook's Cut, and Box from Takashi Miike. Box is definitely the strongest of the three; haunting, beautiful, and poetically nightmarish. Dumplings is also one that will stay with you for a while...does for Chinese Cuisine what Texas Chainsaw Massacre did for BBQ. Cut is the funniest and most misanthropic of the three, but compared to the bookends it's a bit of a weak link.

the Manson Family - 10/10: this is fucking IT. the movie that Natural Born Killers should have been. perfect mix of true crime, gruesome exploitation, and cautionary bleakness. goes where many of the books, specials, and films about the subject haven't gone, either because they're afraid or because it's not as sensational as the "myth". perhaps it isn't, but this film gives the humanity, the humility, and the reality back to the killers and the victims, making it even more disturbing.

the Pillow Book - 8.5/10: one of the strangest, most sensual films ever made. Vivian Wu is one of the sexiest women you've never heard of. she's certainley come along way (and apparently in a lot of ways...nyeah) since playing the mousy girlfriend of a superhuman man boy in the Guyver. couples out there...this movie will get you laid. even with the graverobbing and corpse skinning....if you watch this movie in the day, you will be fucking that night.

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