movie ratings;
Titus - 9.5/10: was that a big piece of pie or what? absolutely the best of all the Shakespeare adaptations that have come out since '96s Romeo and Juliet. amazing costumes/performances. every frame looks like a moving album cover or painting. a savage anti-morality play acted out with cool looking action figures.
Idiocracy - 5/10: if this premise were any thinner it would be pregnant w/ Nicole Richie's child.
American Hardcore - 7.5/10: gets points for all the amazing footage of truly brutal bands like YDI, Void, Negative Approach, DRI, Articles of Faith, Flipper, Poison Idea, Black Flag, Die Kruezen and others...loses points for showing only like ten second clips of every performance. the songs were only like a minute long, for shit's sake. throw me a bone, here. the anecdotes and reflections were pretty top notch, but the whole thing felt abbreviated and underdeveloped. the biggest gripe i have with this film was the attitude of "Hardcore died in '85 and there has been nothing since then". you'd think they would mention all the music that sprung from Hardcore's foundations; Crossover. Metallic Hardcore. Sludge. Grindcore. Crust. Post Hardcore. Industrial. Noise Rock. you interview Ian Mackaye, but don't mention Fugazi? no mention of bands like Oxbow (fronted by Eugene Robinson, who was in Whipping Boy) or Laughing Hyenas, who formed out of the ashes of two hardcore bands (Negative Approach and L-Seven)? i understand the intention of the film was to focus on a specific time period, but it's wrong to present the opinion that the only thing that came after hardcore was bad metal. seems to me that hardcore didn't die, but much of originators were unable to take it to the next logical step in brutality. but i digress.
Pan's Labyrinth - 8/10: Alice in Wonderland meets Nightbreed. Didn't like it as much as director Guilmero DelToro's other blend of the historical and the fantastical the Devil's Backbone, but i thought the film had a lot of heart, great performances and FX, and some truly creepy characters/moments (i.e. when Vidal is stitching up his Chelsea Grin).
Carved - 7/10: Japanese Slasher from Tartan Video. pretty generic considering Tartan's track record of truly interesting films. Sort of disappointing as it plays more like an American Horror film than an Asian one. crossover potential i guess, but i expect better from Tartan. meh... probably still better than Rob Zombie's Halloween.
Superbad - 8.5/10: sort of drags in the second act, but otherwise i thought it was hysterical, with likable characters and devoid of the sentimental trappings usually present in films of this genre. the female characters were especially well done. you can really see why the male characters are so into them, as they are not merely porno-fantasy incarnate, but smart, clever, approachable, and generally nice/sweet. and this is on top of being believably hot (ie NOT Shannon Elizabeth).
Hedwig and the Angry Inch - 9/10: like my tenth time seeing it. great songs, beautiful cinematography...not much else to say.
Swimming with Sharks - 8/10: underrated beyond belief. Kevin Spacey plays one of the best assholes ever in cinema. you hate his fucking guts, but at the same time admire how clever his acerbic put-downs truly are. gets needlessly gruesome in some parts, but otherwise a true undiscovered classic, especially if you like Spacey in Glengarry Glenross.
Meet the Feebles - 7.5/10: gets points for general weirdness, as well as an absolutely hilarious Deer Hunter parody, but otherwise i thought the movie was a tad hard to follow and ran a little to long. yeah i get it...it's a misanthropic puppet show. but whatever it was fun.
Snakes on a Plane - 3/10: Yeah guess what? Irony is DEAD. fuuuuuuck this was a boring ass movie, with lousy special FX and no point whatsoever. you can't manufacture a cult film, and this is proof positive of that theory...well this and Grindhouse. i guess Bad is the new So-Bad-It's-Good. dumb movie for dipshit hipsters who are too chicken shit to admit they enjoy stupid crap.
Blades of Glory - 6/10: Thin premise, weak gags, and in the cases of Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, and Jenna Fischer, a monumental waste of comedic talents. i think we can put a cap on the wacky sports movies now.
X-Men: the Last Stand - 5/10: too many characters that go nowhere. Angel is set up brilliantly, than appears for a total of maybe 3 and a half minutes. Dark Phoenix is one of the most powerful and impressive visuals in all of comics, and here she is reduced to a sullen dead-to-the-world blank slate in a red silk coat. the costumes were dull and drab, with many of the characters (most notably the seemingly never ending supply of Brotherhood of Evil Mutants) just blending in to the background, becoming faceless thugs and cannon fodder. Juggernaut was a massive disappointment, Callisto is supposed to be a gawky, pasty, sewer dwelling bohemian pirate hooker and here she is played by a quite gorgeous Puerto Rican in tight black leather. now i have nothing against gorgeous Puerto Rican girls in tight black clothes (*wink*), but does every single female character have to look like a Maxim cover girl? and why are meaningless peripheral characters like Archlight and Spike here over characters like Gambit, Emma Frost, or others? the dialog was atrocious, the deaths without drama....fuck the whole thing was a mess. blech to this.
We All Scream for Ice Cream - 1/10: episode of Masters of Horror featuring William Forsythe as an Ice Cream Man who dresses like a clown (!!???!!) and exacts revenge on the now-adult children who killed him. i can't even begin to describe the stupidity of this thing. think Nightmare on Elm Street with the same one-liner repeated over and over and over ("we aaalllll screeeeeeem" x100000001012003030) and Sleepers without any sense of remorse for the characters. the acting is sub-terrible, the writing sub-sub-terrible, and the whole thing makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. but the DVD box looked cool.
Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man - 6/10: was expecting more from/about the man himself...something similar to The Devil and Daniel Johnston. instead it was a bland tribute concert with little hunks of anecdote and biography thrown in. of all the performances, i have to say Martha Wainwright's stuck with me the most. the woman's voice is heartbreak incarnate. Nick Cave also faired well, but it would've been nice to hear his version of "Avalanche" . the other performances did nothing for me. i officially hate the living fuck out of Rufus Wainwright, if only for his lispy ten cent manwhore version of "Everybody Knows". i don't even remember any of the other ones. a disappointment (almost) all around.
Hardware - 9/10: forgotten gem from the very late 80s/very early 90s. the perfect blend of bleak arthouse, gory horror, and cautionary sci-fi. writer/director Richard Stanley just might be David Lynch's cyber-punk brother.
Angel Heart - 8.5/10: hard to believe this film is twenty years old. plays just as well today...maybe even better. incredible moody atmosphere, great story and performances by all involved. this film (along with Manhunter) set the tone for films like Se7en, Fallen, and the countless wannabes, trytobes, and shameless imitations that came after.
Toxic Avenger Part 2 - 8/10: an wheelchair-bound elderly blind women gets punched in the face, than blasted out of her chair by a shotgun. an entire home for the blind is blown up, bodies in flame. a cute japanese girl gets punched and sexually assaulted..her reaction akin to Tweety Bird running from Sylvester. some other funny stuff is in their as well. It's Troma. It's never not Classic.
Glengarry Glen Ross - 10/10:
Ricky Roma: All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you're going to regret the things you don't do. You think you're queer? I'm going to tell you something: we're all queer. You think you're a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheat on your wife? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There's an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, go ahead, be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it. That's me.
[pause]
Ricky Roma: You ever take a dump made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours?
Blake: Your name is "you're wanting", and you can't play the man's game, you can't close them, and then tell your wife your troubles. 'Cause only one thing counts in this world: get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me you fuckin' faggots?
Shelley Levene: What the hell are you? You're a fuckin' secretary. Fuck you. That's my message to ya: fuck you and you can kiss my ass and if you don't like it baby I'm going across the street to Jerry Graff, period, fuck you.
Blake: What's the problem, pal?
Dave Moss: You -
[correcting him]
Dave Moss: Moss. You're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're coming down here wasting your time with such a bunch of bums?
Blake: You see this watch? You see this watch?
Dave Moss: Yeah.
Blake: That watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave.
Blake: You got leads. Mitch & Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them. You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit, *you are* shit, hit the bricks pal, and beat it, 'cause you are going *out*.
Shelley Levene: The leads are weak.
Blake: "The leads are weak." The fucking leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years...
Dave Moss: What's your name?
Blake: Fuck you. That's my name.
[Moss laughs]
Blake: You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. *That's* my name.
[Dave Moss explodes at Ricky Roma and shouts]
Dave Moss: You're fucked, Rick. Are you fucking nuts? You're hot, so you think you're the ruler of this place.
Shelley Levene: Now wait a minute, Dave.
Dave Moss: Shut up!
Shelley Levene: Okay...
Dave Moss: You want to decide who should be dealt with how, is that it? I come in the fucking office today, I get humiliated by some jag-off cop. I get accused of... I get the shit thrown in my face by you, you genuine shit, because you're top name on the board?
Ricky Roma: Is that what I did, Dave? I humiliated you? Oh my God, I'm sorry.
Dave Moss: Sitting on top of the world. Sitting on top of the world, everything's fuckin' peach fuzz.
Ricky Roma: And I don't get a moment to spare for some bust-out humanitarian down on his luck lately?
Dave Moss: Oh, fuck...
Ricky Roma: [cutting him off] Fuck you, Dave. You know you got a big mouth. You make a close, this whole place stinks with your farts for a week - how much you just ingested. Oh, what a big man you are! "Hey, let me buy you a pack of gum. I'll show you how to chew it." Whoof! You're pal closes, and all that comes out of your mouth is bile. Ooh, how fucked-up you are!
Dave Moss: Who's my pal, Ricky? Hmm? What are you? And what are you, Ricky? Huh? Bishop Sheen? What the fuck are you, Mr. Slick? Who - what the fuck are you, "Friend to the working man"? Big deal! FUCK YOU! You got the memory of a fuckin' fly! I never liked you, anyway.
Ricky Roma: What is this, your farewell speech?
Dave Moss: I'm going home.
Ricky Roma: Your farewell to the troops?
Dave Moss: I'm not going home. I'm going to Wisconsin.
Ricky Roma: Have a good trip.
Dave Moss: Aw, fuck you! Fuck the lot of you! Fuck you all!
[exits]
Ricky Roma: [to Shelley] You were saying?
Shelley Levene: Huh?
Williamson: [handing Roma lead cards] I'm giving you three leads...
Ricky Roma: Three? No, I count two.
Williamson: There's three leads there.
Ricky Roma: "Patel"? Fuck you. Fucking Shiva handed this guy a million dollars, told him "Sign the deal!" he wouldn't sign. And the god Vishnu too, into the bargain. Fuck you, John! You know your business, I know mine. Your business is being an asshole. I find out whose fucking cousin you are, I'm going to go to him and figure out a way to have your ass - fuck you!
[throws the cards at Williamson]
Ricky Roma: I'm waiting for the new leads.
Ricky Roma: You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, shithead. You just cost me $6,000. Six thousand dollars, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it, asshole? You're fucking shit. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men? Oh, I'm gonna have your job, shithead.
that's all you need to know.
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