Saturday, May 9, 2009

Homework Sucks vol. 1

don't ask me why i'm doing this. it's cloudy, i'm bored, and i just started reminiscing about how much i fucking hated middle and high school.

I was thinking about 1994-5, when i first really discovered music, and thought about what was popular at that time. Grunge was out, Industrial Rock was in. NIN, MINISTRY, and WHITE ZOMBIE were favorites of mine, and i dug MARILYN MANSON if only for his absurd visual flair, and i still contend that these are perfect gateway bands to real industrial/experimental music. They were non-threatening invitations to the big boys clubhouse; just abrasive enough to cause your parents worry, but not so challenging that girls wouldn't talk to you for liking their music.

Then came the knock-offs...

this is the garbage that bridged the bland grunge of the early 90s with the obnoxious bounce rock of the late 90s/early 00s. hoooo boy howdy do these bands suck. this was the kind of music the so called dark and mysterious hot chick would listen to, and guys who wanted to DNA wax her vaginal walls would have to pretend these posing clown shoes were just as valid as the real groups ala THROBBING GRISTLE, SPK, TEST DEPT, KILLING JOKE, SWANS, BIG BLACK, FOETUS, IN SLAUGHTER NATIVES, or bestial industrial tinged metal acts like GODFLESH, SKIN CHAMBER, CANDIRU, SPINE WRENCH, shit even Trent Reznor and Al Jourgenson had good ears for tones and melodies, even if they did co-opt much of their imagery and ideas from assorted underground groups. Point being, despite their assorted thievery, they at least came into their own by the time Downward Spiral and Pslam 69 come about. These bands are nothing but hollow copy cats; a putrid amalgam of pop music cliches, arena metal riffs, and self-consciously brooding stage presence.

You'll notice all these bands are basically limp-dick pop rock, only the guitars are sort of crunchy, the syth beats are hijacked from SKINNY PUPPY's "Dig It", and they sing all scratchy throated and "tortured", even though they're just singing about girls they wanna fuck instead of exploring the genuinely transgressive subject matter that permeated the acts of genre's gestation period.

like these fanny bandits;


jesus... was this video directed by the inventor of Skittles? what's with the colors, assholes?

That's another thing these bands seem to exploit in their videos; harsh neon lighting.

listen to those lyrics... this might as well be a Michael Bolton song. Sure it sounds all gloomy and distorted and the singer's dark hair (which is also brooding) is covering his eyes to further tell the viewer "CHECK OUT MY MISERY", but all he's talking about is some girl he loves. THERE IS NO LOVE ALLOWED IN INDUSTRIAL. unless it's WHITEHOUSE talking about raping a limbless orphan who's covered in 4th degree burns with a rusty motorcycle chain, then drowning them in a kiddie pool full of chlorinated dog urine and lined with splintered crack pipes. That's Industrial Love.

and howbout these cockbombs? ;

"Head Like A Hole? never heard of 'em!"

christ on an ass... how do people get away with making music this transparently hacky? Is it some sort of joke?

fuck this... here's some of that real thing;

there... now mine ears be cleansed with scrap metal and misanthropic existentialism.

No comments: