No one has to remind them that they are alive.
saw a movie where 2 teenage girls murdered an old woman. surprisingly unslick yet somehow not as harrowing as i was led to believe. Maybe it's cause nothing moves me anymore. heart died this year. i need the space more than the object anyway. fill it with more avarice and prurience and violence. drop down in a crucifix form. 2000 years and that's the best we can come up with. white lights and a jesus christ pose.
haven't written much this month. haven't shared myself. why fucking bother. none of you are interested. why should you be? trailers for gory foreign films and peepee dance jpegs are infinitely more interesting. i'm not kidding. this blog has a handful of followers. that's a handful more than my workshop blog. maybe you just don't know what to say to that shit. i get that a lot.
that's why i am where i am today. alone. fearful of expectation, cause all it leads to is disappointment. in a way... it's very liberating... almost demonic in its empowerment. perhaps i've moved beyond the unrequited desires of yore, alleviating myself of inevitably meaningless "depth and sensitivity" and just embraced the fact that i'm little more than a hopelessly misanthropic sadsack with delusions of literacy, upper echelon tastes, and artistic integrity.
i do know now that i am not "doomed" to be alone.... i think i'm actually welcoming it. this could all change with one coy glance from a comely co-ed... cause Yaweh knows i am not wedded to these "ideals". they are disposable. maybe not... maybe they just mutate into something else entirely.
perhaps i'm just a life support system for a cock. aren't we all?
there's only hours left to this decade. what a fucking monster it has been. a para-dimensional crocodile rape-baby with serrated iron dildos for teeth and concentrated nitrous oxide jizm erupting from a Siamese volcano cock. i have no plans. no expectations. no hope. no delusions. just me, baby. just me.
Finally, i wasn't waiting.
Fuck My Year.
2010 EDIT:
oh yeah; FUCK SNUGGIES.
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