Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Not that I'm Bitter or Anything vol. 10

fuck you for reading this. guess that means me. whoopty shit. didn't do a "Fuck My Year" post because it doesn't matter. bad shit happens. good shit happens. that's all. nevermind.

acquaintance from high school passed away last week. lung infection i think. shit way to go. i wasn't terribly moved... haven't spoken in a decade, and while relatively harmless, he was a compulsive liar, and that fact led to my disbelief of his death, so when i found out it was the truth, i was just pissed off that he made a life out of telling stories and presenting them as fact, so much so that i couldn't help but doubt his passing away. it makes me heartless i know... don't care. what does it matter if i feel nothing for someone i hardly ever knew and who hardly ever knew me? i'd expect the very same from him, but i wouldn't get it because he was a compulsive liar.

deleted my OKC(st)upid profile. i'll never meet anyone. everyone got the head start. the good ones all got snatched. fuck it. who needs actual sex-on-demand when i've got Lauren Phoenix torrenting and Mellisa Auf Der Maur singing french in a bathtub? guess i win again, ladies.

Conservatives: your girlfriend is a fucking idiot. "Blood Libel"? for serious? on the plus it at least reminds me to listen to the sick-ass ANTAEUS album of the same name. the perfect blend of creepy dissonance and murder-the-earth anger necessary to play black metal. few come close. most are just fake wizards with pirate riffs and cats in blenders.

speaking of; going to a black metal show for my birthday. shopping for Pornographic comic books the following day. so hard to find decent non-manga porn comics. Eros Comix is still pretty decent methinks. wish i could draw.

Watched THE CAPE on NBC. what soul eroding dreck this choadchore was. an insultingly terrible anal cloud of cock warts. don't feel like getting into everything that's wrong with this rectum clay pot, because EVERYTHING IS WRONG with this ingrown testicle ulcer. the main villain Chess' Cat Eyes (get it? cause... cat's.....are chess... but their eyes.... chess!) made me think of this. the lame super-heroes i made up when i was ten had more going on then this. comics and television haven't been this dumb for a long time, so you can't make that excuse anymore. wish i knew an artist so i could do my comic deal. but everyone i come in contact with is an unmotivated sadsack MyFace junkie. i'm the company i keep i suppose.

01/13/11 ADDENDUMB;

Guess what happened to me yesterday? i went ahead and finished my first screenplay. started working on it October of 2007. a shade under a half-a-decade. whoopee. I had the pieces right in front of me and didn't realize it... those pieces being 2 shorter scripts that acted as a spin-off to my then-unfinished big script. well i just decided it'd be more prudent to have one giant piece of shit that no one will ever shoot rather than 3 tiny methane scented rectum nuggets that no one will ever shoot. whatever. it's done. also wrote a short story about a guy with hypnagogic hallucinations living with a girl who plays with dead stuff. i started it last year, the bulk of it written longhand, and finished it last night. hooray more garbage no one wants.

i know what you're thinking; SELF PUBLISH. Howbout NO? that thing is a fucking racket. maybe it was ok 6-7 years ago when it was still relatively inexpensive, but now it's like $800 to get the middle of the road package and a hair above $1000 for the best they got. then i have to sell the product myself, cause they do no promotion beyond maybe creating a page on or Barnes and Noble's website. everything else is on you. it's a brand new way to fuck writers out of a paycheck. don't understand the aversion people have to paying writers, like it's not real work, but it's something that's been around forever. More people in this world are uncreative then creative, so a lot of it boils down to a mix of jealousy, cynicism, malice, and ignorance. they only understand and desire money, and if they get it who cares who gets fucked, cause if "they were really smart they'd be wealthy". it's the same all over, across the generations. if i could do anything else i would, but this is a compulsion. it has to be done or else i'll eat out the base of my skull. i've made my peace with that.... but not really.

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