when i die, and my plasma-lathed soul glides into the last hard fuck-you of meta-existence, i want my crunched-up-roach remains to be burned. the ashes are to be collected into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lunchbox (original animated series... none of this contemporary "TMNT" CGI bullshit) and brought to a giant party for all my family, friends, and peripheral "loved ones". There will be an open bar and a DJ playing music entirely from my own collection. There should be a giant industrial fan placed in the middle of the room. When the DJ starts playing "Mine is No Disgrace" by Melvins w/ JG Thirwell, everyone in the room is to gather in front of the fan, which will now be turned on a low setting. as the song progresses, my beautiful grieving widow will stand directly in front of the fan, holding the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lunchbox carrying my ashes (should i not have a wife at the time of my expiration, the part will be played by Nora Zehetner wearing a form fitting black and white striped dress, thigh-high black heels, a pair of black stockings, a pair of black lace gloves, and a gray fedora with a crow quill in the brim and a mesh veil sewn along the inner brim). When the song gets heavy, my widow will open the lunchbox, the fan will be placed on full blast, and she will throw my ashes into the fan, which will be blown onto all the guests, food, and walls. My widow will also reveal to my guests that some of my ashes had been mixed into all the drinks being served at the open bar.
just needed to share.
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